Anxiety and behavioral disorder in family and now seen in daughter, need prnts advice, this is long im sorry?
My 5 year old just started school. She is my youngest of two. i have three brothers, out of the four of us, two of my brother grew up diagnosed ADD and now the three off us are diagnosed ADHD, i do believe i could have been diagnosed ADD in my younger years but wasnt because i did realitively well in school so it never became an issue. My third brother and I are also diagnosed learned anxiety. We both probably harbored some anxiety our whole lives but mine took its course about 2 years ago and his about a month ago. So here is my issue. My 6 year old is outgoing, social, and at the exact academic and mental level that she should be at. My 4 year old raises some concerns for me because of my family history and what i have personally experienced with myself and watching my brothers grown up. I am going to list some sypmtoms and i was wondering if anyone has experience with a child who went through this same thing, had any of these same characteristics and kinda what is your story? thanks in advance to anyone that shares with me.
1.She was anxious from the day she was born. I stayed home for 1 week with her and went back to work, after 2 days my mom told me she couldn’t take it anymore, she cried non stop and refused to eat any food, she dropped a whole lb the two days i went back to work, so, luckily i was able to, i was forved to pack her up and take her to work with me everyday. She was perfectly happy in my presence. This escaladed as she got a little older, at a year old we moved and i spent every night crying and she screamed in her crib pounding it against the wall, i was forced to move it to the middle of the room and nieghbors came over nightly to tell me i had to do something. I started recording the times it took her to fall asleep, the two longest were 2 hours 47 minutes and 2 hours 59 minutes, the shortest times were around 45 minutes and those were the night i would give in, go get her and put her in bed with me. Took her to the dr, he said it was anxiety and told me to give her half a dose of baby tylenol and half a done of baby benedryl at night and it would help ease her and help her sleep and be at peace. It was a god send! We still do this sometimes as she still deals with this problem, just not so horrifically.
2. She is 5 and is still very attached to me, she is very shy, not abnormally shy to a point where i worry about the shyness, i just notice it and wonder if it plays into something else. It will take her a couple months to feel comfortable in a situation, like school, dance daycare etc, where most kids only need a few weeks or just a couple experiences. She can be involved in something for a very long period of time and suddenly decide she is DONE! And the reaction that i get when i try and cohearse her otherwise is so awful, blood curddling, screamig crying heart breaking im so scared kicking and violent that it wouldn’t be right of me to put her with other children and i have had to pull her out of activities that she loved and was so good at just the time before. One of these activities was dance, which she has been doing since she was 18 months old and is really really good at. She had an episode at dance, decided she was done a month ago and i have not been able to get her to go back since.
3.She likes organization and being told what to do. She will absolutely melt down if i don’t explain something to her the exact way she wants it explained. or if she overhears a conversation and has a question about it, she will ask me her question, and if i don’t know the answer and tell her to ask the person who does know she meltsdown, she can’t handle it.
4.She wets her pants. She was put on spastic bladder medication and after three months there were no changes. She wears a pull up at night but rarely wets while she is sleeping. She started all day kindergarten two weeks ago and i was scared to death because i didn’t want her to pee in class and be embarassed or get kicked out of the school because the pants wetting is so random, sometimes she will go days with no accidents, sometimes she pees herself 6,7,8 times a day! So far she has not had one accident in school, but as soon as she is home she pees in her pants!!!! i bought her a watch that alarms every thrity minutes or however many minutes i set it and when she wears it she does great so i just don’t know why she doesn’t care that she is wet all the time.
5.She has younger sibling syndrome. She won’t talk to people or answer their questions because she is so used to her slightly older sister doing it for her. If her sister is not around she will tell me to answer for her or she just refuses to talk to people. Also i have started to attempt to seperate their friends because i never realized what an age difference 1st grade and kindergarten makes, my oldest one needs her space and her own friends and my little one needs to branch out, she hates this and it always leads to turmoil.
6.She reverts to baby traits when sh
barry jennings answers:
First of all i feel sorry you are trying to deal with this .you i think need to do tough love
your daughter needs to be with other children her age no matter what temper she has.letting her stay will teach her more than pulling her out and giving in to her. Check see if anything wrong ever happened to her on her first few days in school..my oldest son got hit by a bully his 1st week and carried on about going( big time)the kindergarten place would not handle it so i put him in another it took some time but he settled down
try a swimming class it helps with muscles to relax her.if it is one on one or group from the start when you enroll her you leave no matter what she wants..no matter what kind of class or activity you enroll her in you leave stand where she can not see you if you really want to stay..
When she comes to you for answers and you don’t answer the way she wants ask her the question back.see what her answer is.this will upset her but hold on let her do it ..my youngest of 4 would ask all the time if i did not answer it right to her she layed on the floor scream kicked carried on really bad then i get upset then give in . Wrong thing to do i found out.i was giving her a reason to do it.so from then on i just let her till she could not do it any more. Then she started holding her breath turning blue pass out come right out of it a few of these little temper ways and she figured out it was not working and it all stoped. She also would not ask for thing if any of her brothers or her older sister was around .i just had to talk to them and tell them she had to ask herself if she wanted water or snack or what ever .she would go off mad but came back later and asked after a few time as you well know it is hard to do but it must be done.
Don’t let her sleep in your bed no matter what.. Start her with some sleep overs with her friends make a tent in her room or something as long as its fun and as long as its in her room.
I went to 3yrs of counsceling with my children to find out all the things i was doing wrong .children have to be children and be their own person.when they are born they dont come with instructions we learn as we go .
I need to know a safe drug for my 8 year old daughter for anxiety?
I know all medications have their problems and side effects. My daughter has been on Focalin for 4 months and now I am being pressured by her school that she no longer is ADHD, but has Anxiety and her doctor that is associated with the school wants her to go on Abilify. I have seen SOME really major bad things online about that drug. It for one has not been tested much on children. When I expressed my concerns they just keep telling me to go and call the doctor and get her started on Abilify ASAP! They do not care. I told them I read some BAD stuff about the drug and the school told me to not look ANYTHING up online, because the people online will just say bad things about the drug. I have to disagree.. since these people making up reports have USED it and know the effects. ALSO, the drugs website has many of the bad things listed and not to use it if diabetes runs in the family..again I expressed this and was told, that she would be tested every now and again and I need to get the medicine done today and call my Dr. ASAP! I can not in GOOD faith put her on this. So, I suppose IF she must be on a drug for anxiety.. I need to know one that has the least amount of side effects. Please only respond if you know the answers or have had dealings with children on Abilify. Thanks!
** Dar – thx for leaving a message. She does have a therapist at her school.. she has seen for about a year. She is also the one calling me today and pressuring me to call the DR and get her meds switched ASAP!!!
barry jennings answers:
I have no experience with Abilify, but we put our child on celexa and it has helped. Try a psychologist to help you find the route cause of the anxiety before you put her on anything. Good luck, I know how difficult this must be for you.
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