Read it or not, just say something.?
I am a sixteen year old male who was home-schooled(taught myself[autodidactic]) for the last 3 years, i was socially cappabe and have always had quite a large group of friends and aquantinces. My favorite thing has always been to learn, yet now that i am forced in school i feel no urge to learn or be social anymore. At the school i currently attend i know very few people, yet some of whom i don’t know already decided they hate due primarily to my higher intelligence and wanting to comply with activities presented by the faculty; they shove me and throw stuff at me one even punched me and sliced my lip all the way through my tooth i have not yet combated with physical violence as the men are of larger stature and i feel i might take the fight too far, as if he were to try and provoke further harm upon me id probly kil em also Im on probation for a crime i have not commited and i live with mentally and socially inept(stupid) grandparents whom stock the house with foods i and they do not consume as to”save money”.My father abandoned me and my mother lives in a city that i am not allowed in due to my probation . I find myself feeling without hope for a better future because i cannot longer withstand any further lower class monotony and have low credits in highschool. I am very able and have and undieing motivation to learn yet the school i am attending has only instructors not teachers ie they give you worksheet and book you do. and the books are teaching me nothing as i know and have already taught myself the same information when i was young and otherwise it is primarily things i will never have a use for. i am absolutely impeded(slowed) by school and probation as i am not allowed to have a job and i have poor health because i cant sleep on school nights because the stress of school, i have no fruits or vegetables in my diet only freezer nuggets of meat and other various meat and dairy bi-product meals, this is also a problem because i wish to become vegan(no meat no dairy/animal products) and i drink poisonous liqueurs to deal with every day stress because safe cannabis witch temporarily cures my wanting2die/anger/stress/depression/hunger/sleeplessness problems is illegal and i get drug tested and will be imprisoned if cannabis the medicinally active SAFE plant shows up on the test. I have had sex with a minimum of 20 girls, as my looks are not bad. But i have only had two relationships the first moved away and the second only dated me to say she had a boy friend. all i want is someone(preferably a girl) to love and receive love from not necessarily physical as sex is great but wont cure my heavy set depression. Anytime i show girls respect they become”wierded out and like umm awkward omg”and assume i am a”loser nerdy square”or think im “too desperate for them”; when i show no desperation or depression on the surface(i hide it well because i don’t like stupid people getting into my business)and when i admire looks of females they presume”i only want one thing”.I know all about everything from advanced botany and horticultural to elementary particle physics and components even though i find many concepts easy to comprehend, i find them hard to relay(tell about) But my family tells people im stupid and that i have autism and ADHD theyve even given me pills for such problems witch only made me stupid, hyper and unable to eat and sleep. I give constantly; everything from my sleeping bag any good food i have and time volunteering at homeless shelters to weed buds and good advise; yet still most of the people i interact with believe me to be violent stupid tactless and un-courtly while it is them whom display such disorders just hypocritical ignorant empty capsules really, many have told me i’ll end up in prison because my opinions of the world and perception of policies, and im not sure why they believe such things as i try to be respectful to all people. i wasn’t a very angry person, i actually found it hard to get angry until one of the one-night-stands(not my choice, i asked her out on other dates but no…i even said it was too fast..)i had with an eighteen year old woman lead to pregnancy after she lied about birth control and morning after pill. Anyways she hated me because”it was completely my fault”in her mind that she has to be”burdened”with my, not our; my child(in her mind) anyways she fu<king killed it infront of me with cigarettes extacy and alcohol abuse daily for months and since this recent event i have been extremely unstable crazy at times even and often lash out over nothing i feel like part of my soul was used to make that child and it died when the baby did i feel like a victom to the system I FEEL LIKE ITS HALF MY FAULT THAT THE CHILD DIED BECAUSE I COULDNT STOP THE DUMB B1T(H FROM KILLING IT! And of course i have never talked to anyone about it because i have no close friends i feel comfortable sharin
barry jennings answers:
Next time please consider the possible consequences before taking action
has that never occured to you that it might go this way?
I think it’s too late to feel sorry if first you didn’t take into account the possible outcome
i think it’s your fault as well so stop blaming her and take some responsibility dammit
Am I psychotic? Losing my grip!?
at times, i can be overcome with a panicked feeling of terrifying displacement.
from early childhood (5 years old) i have suffered from severe symptoms of O.C.D. (which was cured, or i grew out of it. cleaning and washing, mostly… a fear of germs) to extreme paranoia (tsunamis, nuclear attacks, death in sleep)
i have grown out of these things, i am no longer paranoid or obsessive compulsive, but the feeling that they both evoked is still there.
one of the simplest ways i can describe it is almost like a psychedelic mushroom experience gone bad, albeit without the visual or audio hallucinations.
(and don’t get me wrong, i have only taken these twice in my lifetime, and the symptoms have been around since long before i ever began experimenting with drugs. this is not a drug related psychosis.)
anyway, to those who haven’t had this experience, i will try to explain it
the indescribable feeling i get seems to drip into my conciseness from some sort of sub-sub-conciseness, growing on me inescapably.
it feels almost as if my family has died, my home is gone, i have flunked out of school, sickly, unemployed, being chased, and drowning at the same time,
but this can only describe the intensity of the ‘anxiety’
physically, i begin to feel dirty, sweaty&dry (at the same time…), hot&cold, speedy&unmotivated, and nauseous, with the strange sensation of eggs breaking down my neck and back.
the truly strange part of this is the unreal thought processes that seem to occur.
i am taken one step away from reality, into my own conciseness, where the complicated, hidden inner-workings of my mind somehow gain ultimate control.
KEEP IN MIND i do not hallucinate at all!
but, i do sometimes have the strangest sensation that in the shadows, i am halfway into another dimension, or something.
i pace, try to find a comfortable position, and nothing works.
it has invaded every part of my life, even my sleep.
i often dream of nothing more than the color red, or yellow, or green, accompanied by the same disgusting hot and cold gritty feeling of pure terror.
and when i wake up, i smell shite or vomit, or something like rotting flesh. there is none in my bed or room, but the stench is there, so i wash and wash and wash until it is gone.
this smell is often so overpowering that i end up vomiting anyway, and so i just start cleaning again.
i vomit a lot…
what is wrong with me?
this surrealistic, undefinable feeling is taking over my hours
a good example incident would be when i dropped an iPod with a cracked screen. i was sure that when i picked it up, the screen would be fixed because of the “double-negatives” rule in math. that was crazy, and only lasted for a moment, but after i picked it up something worse happened.
i stared at the ipod, and realized that by dropping it i had broken it so badly that it had been permanently stripped of it’s defined sides.
it had no up, no down, no right or left side. no front or back, and this threw me into a COMPLETE frenzy of panic.
this is the sort of stuff that makes sense to me when my sub-sub-conciseness begins to leak… stuff humans really shouldn’t know.
i am only a sixteen year old boy.
how could i be this crazy?
or is this just how the universe is? undefinable, with no law or order,
everything i feel in its array of confusion?
an ipod with no right-side-up?
a human mind with no limitation?
am i just in the process of accepting the true nature of everything, or am i just a basket case
anyone with some good info on this please let me know so i can seek help. no doctors have been able to successfully diagnose me, and my diagnoses have been:
schizoaffective disorder (misdiagnosis),
bipolar disorder (misdiagnosis),
OCD (outgrown through psychotherapy)
I am a sixteen year old boy, not too good in school but relatively bright, not an outcast or ‘freak’, but definitely not the ‘social butterfly’ everyone else seems to be.
i prefer to be alone, although i do have friends that seem to enjoy my company,
and i apologize for the length of this question, but i feel like i am at a dead end, and i NEED to know if this is how everyone feels, if i have some obvious disorder, or if i am just a helpless nutball.
I actually do not play video-games, and do not have any programing for a television that i use only to watch movies on occasion.
these misdiagnoses are said to be incorrect by the 10 doctors i have already seen, and none of the medications have helped.
i have gotten so many second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh opinions… it is all a confused jumble to me now. nobody knows what they are talking about.
all i need is a cure.
it is a possibility that i do suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, but not a very feasible one. while i do show a few symptoms of schizophrenia, i am also lacking a few of the more important ones. no visual or auditory hallucinations, and that paranoid suspicious feeling has only happened once or twice.
barry jennings answers:
Getting mentally imbalanced. Or Feeling mentally upset. Or losing grip of oneself. Mentally deranged. Mental retardation. All these are because of lack of proper mental control. Mental control comes from strict discipline, orderliness, organized way of living, systematic way of living, nurturing good habits and building strong moral behavior. Having positive mental attitude. Good approach, outlook and vision is also necessary. One should utilize the existing available resources, time, energy and knowledge only for right pursuits. All these small things count in keeping a steady, stable, strong, sharp, pure, concentrated, and clear mind.
Mind control is easy and simple. If we ignore this basic essential, we are put to lot of trouble in life.
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